God has such a sense of humor, well that’s what I think anyway. He has to have one, choosing me of all people to minister to the broken, lost and rejected of this generation.
I’m 27 years old, and truth be told – I still have to remind myself that I am worth sticking around for, worth loving, worth cherishing even if my father didn’t think so. I know, it’s not what you want to hear from someone who’s ministering to the broken; I’m very sorry that this hasn’t completely disappeared.
I don’t think it does, I don’t think it should .
Those moments when I think back to the twelve year old me waiting for him to show up for me and he didn’t… They remind me how desperately I needed a savior and it wasn’t my dad. I would have liked my dad to grab me and tell me how beautiful and amazing I was, it would have been great to understand that before now.
However, that’s not my reality. This scar, has become my testimony. This memory of a trampled and rejected heart drives me desperately to the presence of God and His presence makes everything okay. His gentle and sometimes urgent reminders of who I am, make my life worth living and my soul rejoice – my dad is cool but I know he can’t do that for me. It’s like, in some strange way, my father taught me that I don’t need his acceptance or his love to be great… I appreciate that.
My method used to be pretending I didn’t feel rejected at all….
— didn’t work out very well. But God loves and accepts us in a way that overrides everything! His love is all consuming and never leaves! Whew! Do you feel that? Holy Spirit just hugged you to remind you that you’re amazing and deserve to be loved and you are loved – Jesus thinks you’re to die for! Get it? Okay sorry for that… Here’s a consolation prize:
This song by Jason Gray reminds me when I forget, so I hope it does the same for you!